Collingwood locals were shaken last night while, when expecting Santa, a UFO ploughed straight into the infamous gay nightclub, [redacted], on Peel Street. Witnesses say the club goers thought it was part of a drag show gone horribly wrong until the smoke and amyl cleared.

A single being emerged from the wreckage, with one witness describing it as 'kind of messed up but in a c***y way'. Local drag queen, Shirley Knot, alleges the being stole two of her wigs and her vape, but this cannot be confirmed.

An extraterrestrial clown show that asks – can YOU teach this alien how to be human, during Xmas?